


Substitute

by Sapphylicious



Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 12:44:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphylicious/pseuds/Sapphylicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Subaru, Kamui, and living your life for someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitute

The small town wasn't known for much; it wasn't picturesque or popular, but the weather was mild and obscurity suited him for now. Afterwards, after everything, he'd been given his pick of places to go – any city in any country, he just needed to say the word – but he wound up here. There wasn't anything special about it, not even the name had any particular meaning to him (but maybe that's one of the reasons why he chose it). Distantly, he was aware that it was similar to the place he and his mother had lived for a while, that nice little house and the empty beach they'd walk along together. But if he'd really wanted to go back there, he could have, easily. That memory was a bit spotty compared to the vivid collage of the times after, and it held nothing for him. So he didn't bother.

Kamui kicked lamely at the sand and a tiny crab, motionless and invisible until then, went scuttling. He watched it tread down to the darker, sea-soaked sand and vanish under a wave. Since he'd arrived here a week ago, most of his time was spent walking up and down this expanse of shore. He never saw many people, but the other day there had been a young boy playing with a dog. It had been nice to just watch for a while, marveling at the antics of a child who probably had no idea what disaster had struck most of Japan and left Tokyo in so much ruin.

He paused in his wandering and glanced around at the empty landscape. It might have been around here where he saw the boy, but it was impossible to tell for certain. The sun was hidden behind a cloudy sky so he didn't even know how long he'd been walking. He saw his footsteps in the sand lead into the distance, a wobbly line that dipped into the water after a while thanks to the rising tide. A dog's bark turned him around again and there was the familiar patchy mutt, kicking up sand as it ran to meet him. It gave Kamui a sniff and joyous yip before tearing off towards someone else.

It wasn't the child standing there, patiently undergoing frantic canine inspection. The dog's tail began to wag, swish-swish through the air, and a black gloved hand reached out to pat its head in an instinctive gesture of affection. It enjoyed the attention for a while, tongue lolling happily as it pushed against the fingers scratching behind an ear, before its head suddenly swiveled and the dog was racing away down the beach like it had all the energy in the world.

By then Kamui had drawn even with Subaru, not too close, but it felt all right to bridge the distance. The man was dressed in somber black, not any different from the last he saw him – though Kamui had never been quite sure if that brief encounter had been real or not. The final battle and the days, weeks afterwards (he'd only started keeping track of the date again recently, and hesitantly) were a series of photos, some of them clear and sharp, in the midst of the blurry, faded shots.

Should he talk? What should he say? He had questions, but he tossed them before they could even form completely in his mind. Kamui wished the dog would come back, he preferred having it here to distract while he stood to the side and merely observed. That was what he'd come here for; to just watch the flow of life until he was ready to be swept along again, to let the ripples of his creation smooth and be forgotten.

He jerked at the barest touch to his arm, in surprise, nothing more, at the soft, sable finger that glanced across his skin. There was a faintly quizzical expression on Subaru's face.

"Um, hi," Kamui uttered through an abruptly dry throat, and inwardly he winced at the small, belated greeting. He searched for something else, something casual and mundane. 'What brings you here?' was on the tip of his tongue because Kamui had crossed out the word 'coincidence' from his vocabulary in bold, red ink. "How have you been?" He asked instead, making as if to shove his hands inside his pockets but stopping mid-motion to leave them dangling.

"Living," Subaru said succinctly and without show, placid on the surface but the word itself came from the wreckage within. The bitterness was deeply buried for now, but Kamui knew better and he _knew_ suddenly why Subaru was here.

Sometimes his mouth was faster than the rest of him, and he ended up blurting out, "It's hard, isn't it? Living for someone else. It's..." the worst burden to bear, that additional role, when he was tired of roles and everything and this break wasn't going to last. But he wasn't dreading, because he wanted to hold on while at the same time he was afraid to let go.

Subaru made a quiet noise of wordless agreement, and his mismatched eyes sharpened on Kamui as he took one step closer. "Don't forget—" His hand pressed flat overtop Kamui's heart and he was close enough that Kamui's senses were filled with sea salt and cigarette smoke. "—You're still here too. Wait a while if you need to, but it's your life as much as it's now his."

'His'. Fuuma's. No one else knew Fuuma, they only ever saw someone else. Kamui, too, for a while lost sight of the one he claimed to be his best friend, and now he kept Fuuma with him. Like how Subaru kept Seishirou.

_Except..._ Kamui closed both his hands over Subaru's, felt the slenderness of it beneath the glove. Subaru wore the color black like it was ceremonial, both funeral and majestic. He shrouded himself in it and tried to make it his own, but it didn't wholly suit him. "You too," Kamui said softly, earnestly, and it sounded strange to his ears to be the one doling out advice, however understated. _The fact that you are alive can't be measured. Do with it as you will, but do **something**._

Subaru's lips actually quirked a little in spite of himself as he made a noncommittal sound. He might have suppressed it completely, but Kamui was sure to smile, a bit uncertain and sincere.


End file.
